UGH

Well! today.... this guy asked me to prom. this guy who is awkward.. lanky.. but sweet. he and i made video projects together when i was in video production freshman year. he also was me and my friend's favorite subject to joke about at one point too... which makes me feel like a total bitch, but i can't help it he's a funny guy!

i dont really know what to do... strangely before he asked i said something stupid like "we're matching!" and i'll bet that made it easier for him to go to the subject of prom.

STUPIDMESTUPIDMESTUPIDME.

All i could say was, "are you being serious?"

i mean i would, just as friends... but everyone will assume we're dating or something. i don't have a serious issue with that, but he's not my 'type'.

(plus i'm not 100% sure if he's completely alright in the head.)

jeez, dreary blog yesterday...

i don't know how to feel.

alone,

insignificant,


invisible.


We can't be good at things right away, and i know that. but... i can never be that girl who is cute and tiny and socially ept... i'm always going to be big and awkward...

the real pathetic story is i finally watched myself on the byebyebridie dvd (the musical i was in just a month ago where i received a decent part) and was very disappointed. i couldn't hear myself when i was singing at all because everyone over powered me. and i am totally beating myself up over this. i was so excited to see what the turn out would be... and i'm nothing. i'm not a good actress. i'm huge. i'm quiet. i wasn't memorable.


All i can think about was when i told my voice teacher next years winter musical- which is a comedy romance thing based off of The Princess and the Pea... and she was said something sweet like, "you'll get such a nice role! i'll prepare you! -gasp- what if you get the princess?!" and i just shook my head. "why... what?" 


i know what i wanted to say. something along the lines of "i can't... i'm not good enough... i'm not pretty or graceful or... elegant."


but all i muttered was "it's not for me." she she disregarded the thought and assumed i was more of a silly and comedic actress.


silly kim. funny, silly, silly girl.




so disappointed.

And on top of that,

no one listens.

so i picked up a golf club for the first time today....

and did not kill anyone.

also, i hit a ball.

well it looks like my old email has been hacked!

Great! it's not a big deal i just won't be able to sign into a lot of websites now and i hope youtube will remember my password forever. ya know... because you can't change your email on youtube... grr. fingers crossed.

my old blog (barely anything written anyway)

so here i am. on a sunday night. i watched a couple of episodes of my so-called life off of netflix and i fell in love. mememolly is my inspiration of course; i love her to death and want to be her bffl. she inspires me and she doesn't even try, she herself is just amazing the way she is. and because of her- i want to see those 90s shows like freaks & geeks and daria... cool shit like that

i've been thinking... just you know those realizations of how stupid you were two years ago and you are so much smarter/better now? i just can't believe my past self sometimes! i'm ashamed of stupid things i've said and done and only want to correct it in the future. sigh. we're only human, i suppose

i hate how i never finish anything. i'm making a physical list and i think crossing things off will help me get shit DONE.

some things on this list include:
-finishing my Rapunzel painting
-finishing prozac nation and it's kind-of a funny story
-finishing the game 'Psychonauts' and 'Okamiden' (which i LOVE)
- starting the 3rd harry potter book and finishing the series before the last movie
-losing 15 pounds
-read the whole damn webcomic "Questionable Content"

stuff like that. the older you get, the less free time you have to do negligible things like that. i'm young and i just am SO LAZY. or maybe it's just a state of mind...

when i was even younger, i used to be this neat freak. like, i wonder if my mom thought i would be OCD or something about cleanliness as i aged. didn't stay that way i guess... i just i don't feel like there's enough time in the world to always keep things clean... or maybe it takes the same amount of time to up-keep rather than clean gigantic mess  every 2 months or so.

growing up- it's interesting.