oh, yeah it's summer, alright. BUT, HMM it seems that everyone else is having the best one of their lives around me while i, alone, have no one. i mean really! i hate being on Facebook now, seeing everyone's cute couple pictures... summer happiness... all my friends are busy and i can't drive.. my sister has a new, wonderful boyfriend who seems to treat her right and i'm totally happy for her, just as much as i am jealous. i guess the root to all of this is I WANT A FREAKIN' BOYFRIEND! i don't even care if i want one for all of the wrong reasons... i just want one :/ i feel so unwanted not having one... as different as it appears though, i am not desperate. like i'm waiting, looking, all of the right things, being happy around people, FLIRTING, but i'm not just going to date anyone. i sound like such a wad of angst right now, but jeez. i'm so lonely right now .___. i just 'set' two of my friends up and i get to watch it unfold before my eyes which stings even more. sigh... i mean i have someone i have my eye on but i'm not sure. i want to be sure. he's cute and sweet but there's just something about him that says he's not that into me.
and you know, it puts those ugly words into your mind not having anyone while everyone else does. "am i not pretty enough? am i too weird? annoying? fat? big? tall? noobish? what's wrong with me?" when i know those are ridiculous questions they still cloud my mind... i still feel like i need to loose weight. i wish i did swim team </3 i'm not tan enough lol! that's silly i know, i just miss it.
another thing!: i haven't had a real heart to heart with someone in forever. i have nothing to contribute but my loneliness and pathetic-ness i think.. i don't know what it is! people used to tell me things all the time but now i like never hear personal things from others. maybe i don't appear open enough? nyeehh i loved listening to people :/ what is happeningg...
i'm watching what not to wear<3 i never get bored, i'm easily entertained. i hate bored people. XD but my god, i want someone to share everything with. i feel empty... where that other person used to fill and make my life wonderful... it's all gone. a void waiting to be filled with something new and twice as wonderful.
but, what if it never happens again for me?
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